LIQUOR IN MY CLASS!!!

I know, I know..it's been awhile since I've blogged...but don't worry, I've got plenty of stories to make up for the missed time. Let's see where do I begin. Let's go ahead and dive right into my alcoholic ninth graders. Are they drinking hard liquor? Well, sadly I'm pretty sure most, if not all, have taken a swig or two of something. However, I'm calling them alcoholics because if a stranger would have walked into my class the other day they would have thought they were in a bartending 101 class. Why?

Well, I gave my kids the "UNBORN CHILD" assignment. Basically, I asked all of my freshman to write a letter to their unborn child. In the letter, the kids had to warn their unborn child about one thing that life may throw their way, tell their unborn child one etiquette tip about how to treat the opposite sex, tell their unborn child one life motto to try to live by and at least one thing they want their unborn child to achieve in life. I made the boys write to their unborn daughters and I had the girls write to their unborn sons which they had to all deliver as a speech in front of the class.

Speech day was here and they were terribly excited to give their speeches. I was relieved to see that FINALLY for once they were excited to stand up in front of class to speak! They were also excited that I allowed them to name their unborn child. (I thought to myself... why wouldn't I?) Anyway....the first 3 kids got up and delivered DYNAMIC speeches! I was all smiles, then kid #4 pimps up in front of class and starts his speech by saying, "Dear Hennessey"...I stopped and looked up like WHAT? ARE YOU SERIOUS? He kept reading like what he said was kosher! Before the end of class I had heard Dear Alize, Dear Hennessey (again!! YES..AGAIN!), and a Dear Hypnotic! These were all boys giving their daughters these idiotic names. I could barely grade the speeches because I'm in the back of class picturing their unborn children later as an adult on a pole or on a corner because SURELY i couldn't see them being anything aside from that. They all thought it was real cute but the girls in the class were disgusted that the guys thought the names were cute...the guys were DEAD serious.

Up until this point in my teaching career, I had NEVER laughed AT a kid...only WITH a kid. Well, that quickly changed when one of my most quiet kids, Jimmy, got up in front of the class and said, "Ms. Thompson, I decided I would write to my unborn twin daughters." I was like.."oh ok..two instead of one." I wasn't prepared for what I was about to hear. Jimmy cracked his mouth and said, "Dear Sunrise and Sunset". I couldn't hold back I busted out laughing so hard and could not stop laughing! All the kids looked back at me, including the speaker, and was like.."Ms. Thompson!" I had to apologize to everyone with watery eyes. I just told him that his humor just made my day. He was totally oblivious and didn't realize that I was laughing at the names he gave his children.

The bell rang and the kids left. I left out of class shaking my head and still laughing. Part of me was laughing because the kids had fun doing the speech. The other half was laughing to keep from crying. My students SERIOUSLY wanted to name their future children alcoholic beverages simply because they liked how the names sounded. I now know why some of my relatives carried around a rag and a bottle of olive oil. I could have used a bottle OR TWO on those kids today in class..if you know what I mean. Lord help me!